Am G D The girl in the pastry shop with the net in her hair F Am G Is making a cannoli for you to take on your hiking trip D F In the woods with your bros that you've known since second grade Am G D And you may encounter dragons or ruffians and be called upon F Am To employ your testosterone G D F In a battle for supremacy and access to females glued to the TV Am G D F And even if you are victorious you may receive many cuts, bruises, and scr*pes Am G And you will require band aids and antiseptic ointments D F Am And tender loving kisses on your stab wounds and when you come home G D F Am She will be there waiting for you with a fire in her eyes G D And a big fat cannoli to shove in your mouth F And that's why you Am G D F Thank God for girls Am G Holla Jesu Christe D F From Tennessee to LA Am G D F Thank God for girls Am G On your reckoning day D F You better bow down and pray Am G She's so big D F She's so strong Am G D F She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls Am G D F Thank God for girls Am G D F I'm so glad I got a girl to think of even though she isn't mine Am G D F I think about her all the day and all the night it's enough to know that she's a-live Am G She says I give her sweaty palms she almost had a heart attack D F The truth is that I'm just as scared I don't know how to act Am G I wish that I could get to know her better D F But meeting up in real life would cause the illusion to shatter Am G I carved her name into all the trees D F Sang a song down on one knee Am G D F Looking at the underwear page of the Sears catalog like when I was 14 Am G D F I'm levitating like a magnet turned the wrong way around Am G D F I'm like an Indian Fakir tryna' meditate on a bed of nails with my pants pulled down Am G D F Thank God for girls Am G Holla Jesu Christe D F From Tennessee to LA Am G D F Thank God for girls Am G On your reckoning day D F You better bow down and pray Am G She's so big D F She's so strong Am G D F She's so energetic in her sweaty overalls Am G D F Thank God for girls Am G D F Am God took a rib from Adam, ground it up in a centrifuge machine G D F Mixed it with cardamom and cloves, microwaved it on the popcorn setting Am G D While Adam was like 'that really hurts' F Am G Going off into the tundra, so p**sed at God D F Am And he started lighting minor forest fires, stealing osprey eggs G D Messing with the bees who were trying to pollinate the echinacea F Am G Until God said, 'Imma smite you with loneliness D F And break your heart in two' Am G D F Am G And Adam wept and wailed, tearing out his hair, falling on his knees D Looked to the sky and said